Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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