I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
