I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
