i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
