shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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