just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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