I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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