weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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