Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
