sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
