I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
