i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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