Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
