Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
