his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
