You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
