i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
