i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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