I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
