are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
