k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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