A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
