Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
