it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
