i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
