I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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