would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
