what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
