We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
