you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
