4 words: hood of his car
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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