I got chris browned last night
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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