Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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