Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
