This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
