I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I haven't been this sober since birth.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
