You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
do nipples grow back?
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