At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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