In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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