worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
