Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
