Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
