i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
