I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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