I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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