Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
