I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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