Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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