do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
