Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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