We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So much rum. So many feels.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
