Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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