so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
